Silver Bay Edition 2010

Dear Ones,

I am sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of the Inn at Silver Bay near Hague, New York, on the western shore of Lake George looking out at the water glittering in the morning sunlight. A cool breeze blows across the porch, running the entire length of the old inn before it slides down the banister and crosses to the Auditorium, a heavy brown-shingled barn of a place that serves as the assembly hall and performing arts center for the campus. This is, without a doubt, one of my very favorite “views from the porch”.

When I sat in this spot about twelve months ago and wrote to you, I was in significant distress and anxiety. My life had been turned upside down, and I truly wondered how I would make it through the days ahead. Logically I knew that I would, somehow—but that didn’t change the fear and sense of freefall that gripped me all too often in those days.

It is certain that times of trial, in Paul’s words to the Galatians, can produce character. But what a process of formation this has been!

I learned how much I am loved, as words of support and concrete offers of material help came from all over the country. I have treasured a number of letters and emails I received in those days, some from friends I had not seen in years, that spoke with such eloquence and passion about the influence I had exercised in their lives without ever knowing it at the time.

I learned that although panic may be a good motivator, it is not a good strategy. And I learned that hate and the desire for vengeance are toxic to those who harbor them. “Have you forgiven…?” someone asked me some months ago. And I could truly say yes, and not because I particularly wanted to forgive (nor to forget—if nothing else, I have learned how not to treat others over whom I hold authority!) Rather, I had grown tired—tired of giving even one more drop of emotional energy to that particular bottomless pit. I had grown weary of my own soul being gunked up with the residual toxic sludge that was only as strong as I allowed it to be. I forgave for the sake of my own well-being, because I was tired of carrying that burden around with me.

I learned to trust my instincts. I am, and always have been, a strong intuitive personality (INFP, if you track that sort of thing) and it is all too easy for me to second-guess myself and think myself into a corner. But what I have discovered is that my gut (ample as it is) can indeed be a trustworthy source of wisdom, and deserves my attention in times of decision.

I’ve learned something about the gifts I have to offer, as a writer, as a priest, as a human being. And I’ve learned what I need to do to honor and cultivate those gifts, in order to share them with other people. I’ve learned how much I love being the pastor of a congregation—or, as my friend Karen Ward says, an “abbot”. That is, a leader charged with the spiritual development of a community so that all may come to the fullness of their respective identities in Christ.

And I’ve learned again, that sitting on the porch with a glass of iced tea, or a cup of coffee, alone or with friends, is as surely a holy place as any cathedral or shrine. It is good, Lord, to be here.

See you on the porch!